Mrs. Parker and Those Girls Who Wear Glasses

by Tim Torkildson

Dorothy Parker was a New York wit & writer who penned these immortal lines back in 1924: 

 
Men seldom make passes
at girls who wear glasses.
In honor of its 80-year anniversary, I offer some variations on that theme. To wit: 
 
Men seldom leave traces
on girls who wear braces.
 
Men seldom want babies
from girls who have rabies.

Men seldom write lyrics
for girls in hysterics.

Men seldom stop winking
at girls who are drinking.

Men seldom sincerely
like girls who think clearly.

Men seldom wear clothing
that girls are not loathing.
 
Men seldom take breath mints
for girls who make death hints.
And in the spirit of the times, let us update Ms Parker's lines: 
 
Girls seldom make passes
at men with fat *****

© 2004 by Tim Torkildson. All rights reserved.

Tim Torkildson is a retired circus clown. He lives in Nonthaburi, Thailand, six months out of the year, teaching English at schools & businesses. He has eight children, no wife and a pet ulcer.