(well dressed) agents from beyond

Who is this guy? Well, I'll tell you. I was hanging out with Grandpa one day when suddenly he reached up and unzipped a hidden zipper in his hair at the top of his head. He proceeded to unzip the zipper right down his forehead, then his face, and then the rest of his body-clothes and all. He let the grandpa suit split right down the middle and just flop to the floor and there he was, a completely different person. Only this guy was much younger, had better posture, and wore a nice suit. It was olive, with a gold shirt and thin olive tie. Very snappy. He claimed the "Grandpa Suit" was getting uncomfortable as he had been wearing it around all day. I remember that day. It was really hot out, muggy.

His name is Agent Moe-Toe. That's how he pronounced it anyway. I don't know how it's spelled. I just call him "The Boofer," though, for no real reason other than "Moe-Toe" sounds to me like some sort of rash or something-like something you'd be embarrassed to say in public. Anyway, he told me he's been posing as Grandpa for quite some time. Apparently Grandpa fell ill and is now recuperating on a nice swampy planet far far away from here. One time I asked if we could expect Grandpa back anytime soon. The Boofer just looked off into the distance and finally said he did not know. (That time he wore a light gray suit with a light jade dress shirt and a thin pink tie.) But he did say I might get to visit him sometime soon.

The Boofer, he's alright. He says he was sent here to look after me. Apparently Grandpa helped them out with something a long time ago, helped fix their spaceship or something, lent them a hand real late at night on a back country road or something. Anyway, they seem to feel they owe him a debt of gratitude. So they sent The Boofer down here to look after me. And he takes me to places just like Grandpa did-the library and county fair and fishing down by the creek and all that. He doesn't smoke and is more introspective and introverted than Grandpa. He's kind of waxy faced-pasty, with a blank expression-if you could even classify what he has as an expression.

Yeah, most of the time he just sits there and looks around and doesn't say much at all. So that's different from my original Grandpa. Also, he doesn't drink or swear as much. Nor is he as opinionated or get into as many fights with strangers. So that's kind of nice I guess.

© 2008 by Tony Rauch.


Tony Rauch lives in South Minneapolis; works as an architect; has taught at the college level; is an all around great person and filled with nothing but good things. Look for Laredo, Tony's new book of funky/jazzy short pieces out soon from Eraserhead Press, Portland, Oregon.