Farewell, Adieu, Dear Nagging Wife

by Stephanie Scarborough
Farewell, adieu, dear nagging wife,
To war I have to go
And leave the wretched married life
I've come to hate and know.

How merrily I'll forward march
So I can quickly flee
From, "Tell me what you're thinking, hon"
And, "Sweetie, talk to me."

With carnage here and corpses there
I'll shout, "Hip, hip, hooray!"
As I walk through the landmine fields
Free from tea and ballet.

My Oprah-watching days are gone,
There's lightness in my heart
As I'm shot, stabbed, kicked and bombed
And amply torn apart.

Farewell, my dear.  I'll miss you—NOT!
Don't worry about me.
I'll be at war, in Hades, hell—
In utter ecstacy.

© 2002 by Stephanie Scarborough. All rights reserved.